When you look at these photos, you see a girl who has gained weight. Some may even assume that I looked better before, and ‘let myself go’ by regaining weight.
When I look at these photos I see someone who has came so damn far. Someone who has completely changed her mindset, her life and the way she thinks and feels about herself. I see the girl on the left, who was going through a lot of troubles and struggling with her self image. A girl who was starving, who would restrict foods and practiced extreme calorie restriction. A girl who would breakdown after eating a meal that was over 300 calories. A girl who was losing her hair, her mind and her sanity. I went from one unhealthy extreme to the next. This is the awful influence of “thinspo” in action. It fueled my self hatred. It made me tear myself apart little by little. For those of you who declare that thinspo and the promoting of these restrictive and dangerous diets has no real effect on people, you’re 100% wrong. It changed my whole perception and outlook on myself. It is incredibly upsetting that I considered myself “fat” in the left photo when it was taken. I thought I was still “too big” and still hadn’t lost enough weight. I still wanted to lose at least 20 pounds. It actually scares me to think back on all of this.
Now I see myself as an entirely new person. A girl who is confident, is healthy and has balance in her life. Someone who is finally at peace and no longer struggles with the constant battles that once went on in her mind.
I am healthier and stronger than ever. My size and weight is not and has never been relative to my health; nor my worth or beauty. It took me forever to finally realize that. It took me so long to understand that being skinny and having a flat stomach and all of that is not my purpose here in life.I was going down a terrible and dangerous path. I am so thankful that I have changed for the better and that I became aware of what I was doing to myself. I truly hope that if any of you are experiencing something similar you decide to reevaluate what you’re doing. I know so many of you silently struggle with this sort of thing. I want people to take something from this post.Not just see it as another ‘before and after’. Being as skinny as possible should not be your priority. Do not put that in front of your health and mental well being.